Do you have a perspective?
I told myself a while back, after a few failed blogs..."one day, you'll really keep a blog this time around". Maybe that day has come. I don't really know. But we shall see, will we?
What am I doing here? Perhaps spending away my precious time. I don't need to point to the news. The economy, the foreclosures, the lay-offs, war, violence, etc. The gloom and sadness of it all isn't going to stop any time soon. But how do we rise above it all with a smile? I want to figure that part out myself. I think it's easier to find myself submerged in an abundance of depressive tendencies rather than the loves that I didn't know was hidden behind my secret curtain of "I'm OK". Now is the time.
Everyone finds inspiration at least once...some point in their lifetime. I find them in the smallest ways and from strangers I've met. I'm on a quest to seek, learn, listen, hear everything and everyone of culture...influences, people, places, and spaces. From the quiet cold shores of Duluth to every corner of the meat district in Bolivia to the karaoke bars in Tokyo. I want to learn it ALL. I want to drink it, eat it, live it, feel it, sleep on it. Desensitize myself from the meta-information of distractions and junky noise we call sensationalism.
So what about me, you ask? Let's just start in a nutshell...I was laid off from the best job ever last year in November. Now I'm working on odd barely paying jobs part-time, setting up a few business ventures, back in grad school pursuing a Master's degree to be more marketable, and just taking care of my fab fam. Yes, I had time. Time to sit down. Time to think about it. Time to ask myself a few questions.
After job searching like a mad woman, I realized some things. Had I not taken the time to stop and see the simplest things I took for granted, I would have not sensed what really made me happy. I have a new home, two adopted pups that I adore, a boyfriend that loves me unconditionally, and family and friends that make life just a little more easier to bare on laughable terms. After realizing this, I landed on an article about organizing my mental clutter. Then I decided that I needed to find what happiness and being content meant to me. What does personal well-being mean to me? So I am in search of finding my equilibrium of somewhat of a self. Conscious and unconscious. I want to inhabit a better ME. It might be an outcry from isolation, I don't know. I shouldn't have to know. Even college years and waitressing days were transitional periods of self-discovery. Those that say they have a purpose or a plan are setting themselves up for broken promises and high hopes. Hey, it's great news if you do have it all set up and you're just riding the waves of 'a wonderful life' smoothly. But do you ask yourself if you're truly happy? Or is it really the end of the struggle to be meaningfully content?
I don't know what I'll find or what will happen during my quest. I don't even think I have a goal. Maybe because I don't want to disappoint myself or be underwhelmed. All I know is...life is here and it is now or neverending. People, situations, conversations, and such...all have to mean something, right? I don't want to live in a black box constrained by my four brick walls. I don't want to dwell holes into the ground under my cubicle of mundane hell. Although I may not have the funds to venture the world on an endless journey...I really do hope I can anyway, in some way. Honestly, no one is as lucky as Bourdain climbing the walls of the world in awe. I would rather travel with just my backpack than work any day, I promise you. In the mean time, I welcome the baby steps needed to understand, peruse, and reflect on all things intriguing to me.
Yes, I am an aspiring world citizen of happiness. I am inspired. And so should you.
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